i finally went out to today to get clothes that actually fit me earlier today =). quite a surprising thing happened too.. my parents offered to pay for my new clothes. it was really unexpected since they almost never ever pay for my stuff.. i hav to pay for my phone bills... books.. etc.. so yea, its quite a shock. but im not gonna complain =P thats a good thing cuz they saved me quite a huge sum.
well.. once again my plans for the weekend kinda got screwed up. on friday, after all our tests finally ended myself together with a couple of guys from class decided that we would go catch a movie but...there really wasnt any movie to watch. actually, we all kinda wanted to watch lakehouse but.. gosh, a bunch of guys walking into the cinema showing lakehouse?!?! i simply cannot picture that.. so yea the whole thing juz kinda disintegrated. with all that free time on my hand, i took naps.. many naps .. had abt 7 hrs of nap + 10 hrs of sleep at night.. so i dunno how im going 2 fall asleep tonight haha.
i tried writing my GP essay earlier today b4 i went shopping, i couldnt do it cuz i had like 0 inspiration! ever had one of those moments whr ur brain seems to b dead? i mean, really!! i couldnt think of anything! anything at all. even for my bio essay.. i just copied blindly from my notes. maybe thats y my post today seems to b just a list of things ive did... really no inspiration!
i guess im gonna lie in bed untill i fall asleep... count sheeps..bah bah black sheep hav u any wool? gosh.. this is getting too lame.. im going 2 bed b4 i screw things up. gnite, take care everyone
)x~
9:36 PM
{{ Wednesday, July 26, 2006
im finally done with my chem revision for tmrs test...i still suck at chemical kinetics but chemical equilibrium seems do-able now. i know ive said that im tooooo busy to study / do my stupid PW - EoM and yet im here now.. ok, i admit.. i have the time.. but i dont wanna spend it studying / doing pw haha so yea.. ive reached my target of the day (revise my chem). so, im not going to start on my EoM yet even though i have some spare time on my hands.. going to leave that till tomorrow.
Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone
.She said "Some days I feel like shit, Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit, "I don't understand why you have to always be gone, I get along but the trips always feel so long, And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone, 'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone, But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call, But when I pick up I don't have much to say, So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone. Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone, Please come back home...
You know the place where you used to live, Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs, Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile, But now, you only stop by every once and a while, Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time, With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind, I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way, You can call me if you find that you have something to say, And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone. Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone, Please come back home...
I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin', Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses, For why you're not around, and feeling so useless, It seems one thing has been true all along, You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone, I guess I've had it with you and your career, When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone .Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone, Please come back home... Please come back home... Please come back home... Please come back home... Please come back home...
Where'd You Go - Fort Minor
A song a couple waiting for each other... not getting to meet each other beacause of their different schedules and shit. quite a sad song considering that eventualy at the end of the song the couple broke apart as one of them decides to stop waiting...
patience.. is not something that i really hav. im the impatient sort of person.. if a page doesnt load within 2 secs i spam refresh and i get all frustrated and shit... if the bus doesnt come within 10 mins, i feel like shooting the bus driver in my head. but patience makes things more valuable? i mean... eg u wait very long to reach a goal.. somehow that goal would seem more precious and more valuable will it not? just because u spent more time to attain something, your mindset about its prestige changes for the better. is that the thrill of the chase? is that why victory is especially sweet to those who rarely taste it? is that why we always long for something that is hard to attain? is that why some girls play hard to get? the thrill of the chase i say.. the thrill of the chase...
im feeling quite nostalgic this past feel days... i havnt had the time to squeeze in my anime.. and sleeping too much has made me kinda kuku. got my body clock entirely screwed up now... anyway.. the mention of the word sleep is making me sleepy... actually i went to bed abt 1hr ago, but i simply couldnt sleep.. so i decided to do this.. and now, im feeling sleepy again so im gonna try catch my dreams again.
gnite and good luck with chem tmr to those who hav it! well.. if u hav chem tmr u shud b studying now! hahaha. take care everyone X.X
)x~
9:49 PM
{{ Sunday, July 23, 2006
the workload from school has been piling up for quite some time now, but i still dont have the mood to start studying again.. im getting very lost during lectures with almost absolutely no idea what the lecturer is talking about.. this upcoming week is going to b one hell of a week.. 3 tests and 2 SPAs. i already am looking forward to the weekend before the week has even started!
oh, and my dad came back to singapore on friday night. however, i didnt know if that was a good or a bad thing.. last time my dad came back, he grounded me the very next day! so i kinda learnt my lesson.. when he came back i said hi welcome back etc etc den went to hide in my room to avoid any trouble.. so.. being in my room with nothing 2 do i called a friend to chat. lo! and behold! i get scolded for "ignoring" my dad, talking on the phone instead of welcoming him back. at least now my mom kinda forgotten abt the results thingy ... but yea thrs a price to pay.. freedom =( my dad is more strict den my mom..
the past week has been rather "relaxing". nth much to worry about except for that extra hard GP compre!! ive been having dreams every single night since the 1st one last weekend. some good some bad, but entertainment nonetheless... dreams ranging from getting robbed and chased by mobs to having a great time with friends and family. so.. if u see me all sleepy and weary in school.. it means i had a nightmare the prev night @.@ its probably these dreams that has kept me going throughout the week, well i was referring to the "good" dreams of course. sweet dreams = drugs i tell u!! for the 1st time in years, i slept for more den 12 hrs last night... and the total amount of naps ive had today amounted to about another 4hours!! and im planning to go 2 bed early tonight too! so i guess im turning into a sleepy head??
in the past, i used to believe in having fun because life is short.. so i didnt sleep much, i just did things i enjoyed doing.. at that point in time it was mainly gaming or going out with my friends. i'd wake up early in the morning to get online.. grab the "best training spots" for my virtual alter-ego while theres less ppl online. hmm.. do i sound like one of those computer geeks who live in their basement their entire life and never have a single ray of sunshine ever touch their skins? maybe thats y im so fair haha. anyway, times have changed. ive quit gaming and im not exactly a very hardworking person when it comes to school work so i have a lot of time on my hands.as ive mentioned in my previous entries ive tried burning my time by looking up weird and interesting sites over the web. plz dun think dirty!!! joke sites.. horoscopes.. webcomics etc etc.. but yea, im kinda out of material to read so ive resorted to sleeping!! sry to all those ppl ive called pigs in the past for sleeping too much hahaha im turning into a pig as well!
sigh, ive got so much work to do but im still not into studying mode yet!! i actually planned to finish my econs homework today and get started on my revision for the upcoming chemistry test. BUT, i looked at my econs tutorial.. saw the questioned, took 15 mins to attempt them, gave up, went to bed AGAIN. come to think of it.. i think im gonna go back to bed...
gnight gnight everyone!! im high on dreams at the moment! ^( - (..) - )^ <<<< PIG!!
)x~
6:37 PM
{{ Wednesday, July 19, 2006
im gonna add a new section to my blog called "earworms". according to www.dictionary.com, an earworm is "a song or tune that gets stuck in one's mind and repeats as if on a tape", so yea.. its not literally a worm stuck in ur ear so plz dun get grossed out.
so thrs a list of my current earworms above the tagboard =P feel free to check them out, they are all great!!
and to clear things up.. the dream that i mentioned in my previous post is completely G-Rated!
)x~
8:09 PM
{{ Monday, July 17, 2006
dreams.. are they meant to be achieved? do we hav to constantly fool ourselves into thinking that we might one day attain our dreams if we work hard enough? persevere through all the shit in our lives just because of the tiny ray of hope that maybe one day these dreams would become a reality. Arent dreams afterall almost impossible to be achieved? knowing this, why do we still continue to tolerate all the rubbish in our lives just to try to reach these dreams...?
i had an extremely wonderful dream 2 nights ago, but yes its a dream.... hence its bitter sweet. although it was merely a dream, it gave me hope, helped to make my day bearable considering all the crap i had to go through over the weekend...for those who dont know, i got into a quarrel with my mom and all my plans for the weekend fell apart.. so i basically had to spend heaps of time at home.. with my crazy mom. but yea, the day was still bearable, i even foolishly hoped that the dream would continue if i went back to bed... i ended up lazing around in bed untill lunch time.
i guess, dreams work well for me, works like a carrot on a stick i suppose? lets me hope against hope for miracles to happen. so.. i find myself here... writing this cuz ive been lazing around in bed for too long and yet i cant seem to fall asleep... trying to go to sleep so i hav a chance of having a sweet dream again. its highly unlike me to want to sleep... im the sort of person who sleeps no more than 7 hrs a day.
sry if u think that im talking garbage for this entry.. but yes, this IS how much a tiny little dream impacted me.
relatively shorter entry tonight.. going to try to catch my dreams again. this entry might not make sense... but im not obliged to make sense.. so what the heck
the past couple of days has been quite a bit of trouble for me recently... my mom refused to believe how badly the rest of the J1s did and thinks that im the only one who did badly. so, im having to tolerate all her nonsense even though i did considerably well. hope this ends soon... all sorts of stupid things been happening recently... me being locked out of my room etc etc.
well, nth much happened today.. except for the class photoshoot and the return of maths papers. as expected, i failed!!! im actually rather happy to get back my math paper even though ive failed it.. failed quite miserably but still, its a load off my mind. despite the class photoshoot, my mood was still sian sian.. really getting bored. still holiday mood, after all terms has just ended and for the past 10 years of my life, the end of exams is usually followed by 1 month of slacking so u get what i mean dont u?
tmr is the weekend, and yet im not looking forward to it. i get to spend more time with my crazy mom.. dunno menopause or pms or something... i guess i have to blame my lack of a social life for that. all my plans for the weekend seemed to hav gone down the drain, was actually looking forward to catching pirates of the carribean this weekend, plan 1 failed.. plan 2 looks as though its going 2 fail as well. and since ive quit gaming, killing time has been quite hard since ive been slacking with regards with my work so i really aint got much to do. ive been reading up quite a bit on random quirky things but ive kinda run out of interesting materials already.
my emotions hav been rather topsy turvey the past few days too. the simplest of things seem to tick me off or brighten up my day. from disappointment to satisfaction and even relief, ive gotten quite confused with what im actually feeling. maybe i juz need someone by my side when the going gets though. i probably hav tooooo few "extremely close friends whom im willing to trust with my life". time has also seemed to separate me from such friends.. its becoming increaseingly hard to keep in contact with these ppl... a friend suggested a way to solve my problems.. as corny as this might sound, "love". is love really capable of putting a smile on a persons face even in the darkest of hours? is that unexplainable feeling really that miraculous? i know nothing much about love apart from familial love. even then, it seems to be breaking apart.. my dad is now overseas 50% of the time.. and my mom is driving me crazy as well. platonic love seems to be dissappearing bit by bit as well... i hang out a lot less with my close friends nowadays, we can no longer continue each others sentences or even simply laugh the way we used to...my only experience with love is "unrequited love" which is according to wikipedia "affection and desire not reciprocated or returned". unrequited love sux... i hate it.
"Being in unrequited love is torturous, but it can simultaneously be a source of great joy, sometimes providing the lover a sense of fulfillment for having somebody to love, even though that love is not returned. The lover may feel this satisfaction is worth the emotional distress they must suffer. They may prefer to stay in love rather than move on."
yes yes.. i am that bored that im reading such stuff... ive practically finished browsing several interestings sites with about 2 years of archieves in 2 weeks so im pulling out all the stops ive got to help me pass time. i got too much spare time on my hands... i know i know.. being in JC im supposed to be busy, oh well, sue me?
well lookie at the time! enough time has passed, time 2 go to bed. so gnight everyone
)x~
11:05 PM
{{ Monday, July 10, 2006
after countless hours of sleep lost not just over the world cup.. but over my results... i finally got those dreaded results back. to my surprise i did better than i expected.. but still not quite what i wanted. i can now breathe easy.. the only result i have not gotten back is that of maths. i dont have much expectations for my maths paper considering the number of questions i left blank were worth almost 50% the marks of the total paper.. so im quite sure ive failed it and i am already mentally prepared for it.
getting back my results hav allowed me to breathe easy. first time in quite awhile ive managed to seriously "relax". anyway.. im not going to dwell on the topic of exam results cuz not everyone is pleased with their grades.
at the moment, im juz trying to catch up on the sleep i lost due to the finals earlier this morning. i like my sleep with music blasting from speakers beside my bed -.-" weird? i know.
ok, so since the exams ended, ive managed to catch quite a few movies.. one of the dissappointing ones i must say is superman returns! dam that movie was so predictable... the best movie ive watched recently was not one from the theatres...i managed to catch "pirates of the carribean" yesterday and i havnt quite watched any movie like that recently. felt that it had quite an interesting plot filled with unusual characters! thus.. im eagerly anticipating the new pirates movie thats going to b out later this week! (i think). finally something to look forward to!
aint got much to talk abt today... so heres the lyrics to one of my fav songs that i MUST! listen to b4 i can go 2 bed everyday... another one of my quirky habits..
Far away, I feel your beating heart All alone, beneath the crystal stars I'm staring into space, what a lovely face I'll try to find my place with you
Chorus:What a beautiful smile Can I stay for a while On this beautiful night We'll make everything right My beautiful love My beautiful love
Larger then the moon, my love for you World's collide, as heaven pulls us through The secret of the world is written in the stars I'm carrying your heart in mine
What a beautiful smile Can It stay for a while On this beautiful night We'll make everything right My beautiful love
Maybe a greater thing will happen Maybe all will see Maybe our love will catch like fire As it burns through me
Maybe a greater thing will happen Maybe all will see Maybe our love will catch like fire As it burns through me
Maybe a greater thing will happen Maybe all will see Maybe our love will catch like fire As it burns through me
What a beautiful smile Can It stay for a while On this beautiful night We'll make everything right
What a beautiful smile Can It stay for a while On this beautiful night We'll make everything right My Beautiful la-la-la-la-lovela-la-la-la-love My beautiful la-la-la-la-lovela-la-la-la-love My beautiful love
Beautiful Love ~ The Afters
)x~
9:34 PM
{{ Saturday, July 08, 2006
before the exams started.. my mom kept nagging oh how little i studied... now after exams, shes nagging abt how im not reading enough newspapers...are all parents in the world like that? always have to find something to me disatisfied about? always finding a reason to buzz around your ear?
well.. i dunno y but recently ive been feeling very down, nth much to look forward to. the things i look forward to endup causing me more pain. eg after exams... i thought thr wud b class outing or something.. end up the whole class dissappeared after i turned ard to throw rubbish away! den on friday half day... sudden change of plans ruined things. although an "outing" still occurred.. its not the same, not quite what i was looking forward to. i dont even look forward to going home anymore. in the past, i'd rush home immedietly after school so i can get to play com... but now since ive quit gaming, dun really know what to do with my spare time. been watching some anime / movies recently but i still feel quite bored and empty.
the thought of my examination results might hav contributed to the melancholy thats in the air around me. the lack of things to do is simply giving me more time to think about stupid things... giving me more time to worry about things i should simply leave in the hands of fate. on a brighter note, i passed my chinese!!! that was extremely unexpected! but then again... i have the upcoming A'level chinese orals to "look forward to" this wednesday...
these days, it seems that sitcoms are now one of the few things that can put me in a better mood... laughter is the best medicine yea. friends, joey, that70'sshow, my name is earl are some of the things i get to look forward to! maybe laughing at the stupidity of some of the characters takes my mind off my own stupidity
i used to avoid "sad songs".. but somehow im getting hooked onto them too... getting introduced to so many sad songs by ppl. the thing i like about yellowcard is how they can make a song with sad lyrics seem happy! something like making the best outta everything. i wish i could do the same, then i wouldnt feel the way i am now.
Love of mine some day you will die But I'll be close behind I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight Waiting for the hint of a spark If Heaven and Hell decide That they both are satisfied Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black And I held my tongue as she told me "Son fear is the heart of love" So I never went back
If Heaven and Hell decide That they both are satisfied Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark You and me have seen everything to see From Bangkok to Calgary And the soles of your shoes are all worn down The time for sleep is nowIt's nothing to cry about Cause we'll hold each other soon The blackest of rooms
If Heaven and Hell decide That they both are satisfied Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark Then I'll follow you into the dark
I Will Follow You Into The Dark ~ Death Cab For Cutie
a friend of mine said she cried listening to this song... but yea its stuck in my head now. dont think its a good thing to get a "sad song" stuck in ur head... SO! anyone who knows any nice and "happy" songs, plz do tell me!!!
i know im beginning to sound like an emo nutcase.. but maybe its juz withdrawal symptoms from not playing com... I CANT HELP IT! bear with me =(
)x~
8:57 PM
{{ Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i woke up early this morning, mourning the way i live my life. i strife and fight for what i want, but somehow things never get done. i hate who i have become, i seek an asylum for refuge, and yet the pain aint reduced one bit, yea i bet you.
i bit my lips as i prayed for help. cuz of all of this pain, i have even forgotten my name! underneath this facade, is a boy who wants a go-kart, to speed off outta his head so he can go to bed. cuz his mind's so messed up, its more chaotic than a pub.
i just wanna be myself, take off this mask and chuck it on a shelf. so i can be myself! so i can be myself!
no more facades, yea, no more bottling my feelings, so i can become a whole new being. a whole new...being...
some lyrics i came up with while listening to eminem on my ipod.. abt how i'd like to be myself. maybe i am myself.. just that i havnt been "myself" for so long that ive become a whole new self. the way i'd describe myself 6 months ago compared to how i'd describe myself has changed to drastically... all the feelings i bottle up they are so many that they can fill up the entire ocean. i know of friends to share my thoughts with but have u ever wondered how heavy that much bottles is? some of these bottles i have never seen before.. these new emotions never felt before. i cant even express how i feel anymore... just bottles..im a cupboard.. locked up with heaps of bottles inside my doors.
this post might sound stupid.. so forgive me.. lack of sleep due to world cup which led to my grumpy mood... anyway, im going to bed soon so i can stay awake to watch the match later so take care everyone!
)x~
5:12 PM
{{ Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Its the end of the holidays, its the end of term exams. ive decided to something different with my time.. QUIT GAMING!! yes.. it might be hard to believe but i DO feel so much better since ive stopped playing abt 1 week ago... i dont think i'll wanna touch games again! anyway, im not feeling confident at all about my terms. although i have to admit that this is probably the hardest ive ever studied for an exam, even harder den for Os. back then while i was mugging for Os, i still had time to play computer games in between papers...this time, i was rather focused on my work but i STILL dont feel good about it at all. alright alright.. enough of stupid school exam thingies.
is my habit of listening to the same list of abt 20 songs while ignoring the other 300 in my mp3 player weird? i just cant seem to get them outta my head.. and im so obsessed with them, must listen b4 i can go to sleep! its become like part of my daily ritual. first was "The Click Five"... LUV "Good Day"!! den it was "Beautiful Love" by The Afters... den Panic! at the disco, NOW! YELLOWCARD! btw do tell me if u know of anymore nice songs!!
anyway its 10.19 pm how.. for those who dont really know me, im the sort of person who sleeps early and wake up really early unless i got no school tmr. by early, i mean sleep at 10 and wake up at 4-5. so.. heres my 1st blog entry ever... although i dont expect to see anyone read this for awhile. i will do my best to make this "window 2 my mind" better with whatever limited knowledge of blogs i possess!
